


Codger's Remedies

by GrandMoffAmbrius



Series: The Codgers [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Natasha is sick, Old time mediciens, Steve and Bucky are more then a little behind when it comes to modern mediciens, Steve and Bucky are really a pair of old codgers, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrandMoffAmbrius/pseuds/GrandMoffAmbrius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha is sick with the flu and Steve and Bucky get into an argument over what medicine she should take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codger's Remedies

**Author's Note:**

> This was another idea that I couldn't get out of my head. This was inspired by a scene in the Simpson's episode "Lady Bouvier's Lover." This has not been beated so any and all mistakes are my own. Reviews and Kudos are nice things to get.

Natasha Romanoff was many things. Orphan. Trained assassin. Master of various deadly fighting styles. Excellent shooter Master spy and undercover agent. Soviet defector. Former S.H.I.E.L.D operative. Avenger. A true loyal friend. Ballet dancer. A surprisingly good canasta player a secret lover of Godzilla films. But above all, the deadly Black Widow was human and was still subjective to all the entailed. Which was the reason Natasha was sitting on her couch in her fuzzy pajamas wrapped in a blanket and nursing a very bad case of the flu.

“Who would believe that the great Black Widow could get colds just like us common everyday people,” Tony chuckled as he dodged a ball of waddled Kleenex “Your aims seems a little off.”

“Very funny, Stark,” Natasha said in her nasally voice.

“Is there anything we can get you? Some chicken soup?” Pepper asked as she handed her a fresh box of Kleenex.

Before she could answer, a sudden hacking attack came over Natasha who took several Kleenexes to cover her mouth with. “No thanks, Pepper,” Natasha managed to say after the hacking stopped. “Clint already gave me some before he left. I sent him to get some Russian Black Tea. It's good for sour throats and colds. Plus, I needed to get him out of her.”

“Oh? And why is that?” Tony asked suddenly intrigued “Trouble in Siberia?”

“Tony,” Pepper said slapping him against the head.

Natasha wiped her running nose and let out a small sigh. “Whenever I get sick, Clint turns into a crazy combination of Nurse Ratchet and Annie Wilkes. He hovers behind me all the time and he's constantly asking me how I'm feeling, if I need anything, taking my temperature and popping up every five minutes to rub Vicks on me or give me a new glass of orange juice or Sprite. Not to mention he's a stickler for following the directions on the medicine bottle. If it says every five hours then he wakes me up every five hours. It's sweet, really it is but he just won’t give me five minutes alone.”

“You see? Her boyfriend takes care of her when she's sick,” Tony whined.

“Well when you get yourself a boyfriend, we'll make sure he does all that for you,” Pepper assured him as she patted his hand.

Tony just grumbled which brought a smile to Natasha's pale face. Feeling a sneezing attack coming on, she reached for the box of tissue but did not make it in time and ended up sneezing right in Tony's face. Tony let out a loud yelped and jumped off the coach and the next thing everyone knew, Natasha's door was knocked in and Thor rushed in with his hammer at the ready.

“Who attacks you friend Stark?” Thor questioned as he looked about the room.

“Natasha.”

Thor went over to her, his hammer ready to strike if needed. He looked at her with a cautious look. “Has her mind been taken over by some dark force?”

“No. She sneezed on me.”

“By accident,” Natasha added.

“The Black Widow is ill?” Thor asked as he sat Mjolnir down. “How can this be?”

“How can what be?” Steve asked as he and Bucky made their way in, minding the broken door.

“Hey, Hey. It's George and Gracie,” Tony exclaimed. “They were-”

“We know who they were, Stark,” Bucky said with a roll of his eyes. 

“We did have radio back then,” Steve clarified. “So what's going on?”

“The Black Widow has become ill,” Thor answered.

Steve got a worried look on his face. “You're sick? How sick? When did this come on? Did you get caught in the rain? That's what happened to Pope Benedict XV. He got caught in the rain storm and he got a cold that turned into pneumonia.”

Pepper placed a hand on Steve's shoulder. “It's okay, Steve,” she calmly assured him. “The flu is going around and Natasha just caught it.”

“The flu?” Bucky said in disbelief. “They found a way to basically cure polio but they can't cure the flu?”

“It's not that simple” Bruce said as he entered. “The flu strain mutates at an extraordinary rate every year. This makes it extremely hard to find a cure for it while the polio virus remained the same for years.”

“It's just the flu,” Natasha assured them. “All I need is to rest and watch some bad TV and I'll be fine.

“No, what you need is rest, no TV and to take your medicine,” Steve told her. “Where’s your medicine?”

Tony reached down and held up a bottle of Nyquil. “Here it is. She chucked it at me when I asked her how she was doing.”

Thor took the bottle and looked at the green contents with a quizzical look. “Is this some type of Midgard potion?” He tried to open it but was unable. “What sorcery is this? I cannot open it.”

“It's called a childproof lid,” Bruce said as he took the bottle from the Asgardian and opened it. This medicine can be very dangerous for young children. The cap's to keep them from drinking it.”

Bruce handed the bottle back to Thor who sniffed it and made a face. “What is this potion made from? It smells like the potion you use to freshen your mouth.”

“It may smell like mouthwash, Thor but that's some of the best medicine there is for fighting the flu, for us mere mortals,” Tony said. “After all, we all can't be gods or have super solider serum flowing through our vines.”

Before either Steve or Bucky could reply, Natasha started to cough and hack again and Pepper got her went and got her a drink of water while Bruce took the bottle of Nyquil from Thor and measured out a douse of it in the little measuring cup. After she took her medicine and drank the glass of water Pepper got her, Natasha started to feel cold and she pulled her blanket tighter around her. Both Steve and Bucky looked at her with concerned look.

“I thought you said that stuff was the best. So why is she starting to shiver?”

“It takes time for it to kick in, Snowcone,” Tony replied.

Natasha started to cough again. When she was done, she lied back against the couch's pillows and groaned, “I fell terrible.”

“Get some eucalyptus leaves and mix them up in with some portrulim jelly and cod liver oil. Put that on her throat and tie a sock around to keep it warm. That'll take care of her coughing,” Steve instructed to Bruce and Pepper.

“No. No. What she needs is a Shellenburger's Meth-O-lic Cough Wafer,” Buck interjected.

“Shellenburger's Meth-O-lic Cough Wafer!” Steve exclaimed in disbelief. “Geez Buck, while we're wasting money why don't we just buy her a bottle of Dr. Drake's Glesco Cough Remedy too?”

Bucky crossed his arms. “Well what you recommend?”

“American Chemical Company's Formula AL-14.”

Bucky huffed. “Now who's talking about wasting money, Stevie?”

The other Avengers just watched as the two super soldiers went on to list a number of odd sounding medications.

“We're not going to give her Van Stemburg's Cough Elixir.”

“Well the same goes for Wolgamott's Syrup”

“And why is that?” Bucky asked.

“Because that stuff is no better than what they use to brass instruments with,” Steve answered.

“What about just giving her some Florida's Mentopine Cough Drops, Steve?”

“She's going to need more than just cough drops,” Steve replied.

“Don't forget to give her Tidball's Aspironal,” Tony said in a wheezy old person's voice.

“Don't make fun,” Steve and Bucky both told Tony at the same time.

“Thank God you've stop.” Natasha suddenly spoke up. “You were starting to give me a headache.”

Thor started to rub his chine. “I was unaware of the great differences there must be in Midgard healing potions. Is it due to the potion's ingredients or is it a matter of personal preference to which Midgard potion is the best?”

“When you're talking about modern mainstream medicine, it's preference mostly but everything these two have suggested haven't been made in years,” Tony answered.

Bucky and Steve just gave the man a look of confession and said, “What?”

Bruce nodded his head in agreement. “I'm afraid most of the medications you guys knew from growing-up have not been manufactured in years.”

“Why?” Steve asked.

“Well,” Pepper began, “for a lot of medications, they either did not work to begin with while others had ingredients like cocaine, turpentine and a lot of alcohol. Others got replaced by safer and more effective medicines. The rest just sort of went out of business.”

Bucky just looked more confused. “So today, the best thing for fighting the flu is medicine that smells like mouthwash?”

“They have cherry flavor too,” Tony pointed out.

“Cherry flavor cough syrup?” Steve asked skeptically. “Why not grape or orange flavor for that matter? Come on Tony, we're talking about medicine here not soda pop.”

Bruce cleared his throat. “They have those flavors as well.”

“No kidding?” Bucky asked.

“Nope.”

A second later, they heard Clint's voice call out, “Hey guys, what happened to the door?”

“Thor thought Tony was being attacked,” Natasha clarified as Clint entered, holding a small paper bag.

“Makes sense,” he said as he sat the bag down. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“Well then it's time for you to rest. I'll make you some tea and then I'll put some more Vicks on you. That sound alright?”

Natasha just smiled and Clint patted her knee.

“Ok then, everyone else out,” Clint ordered as he pointed towards the door. His team members could not miss the change on Barton's attitude and they got chills as he stood their staring at them. Both Steve and Bucky suddenly realized that if Clint was wearing a nun's habit, he would look exactly like Mother Helen from Sunday school and that was frightening.

After they said goodbye and told Natasha to feel better, Thor picked up Mjolnir and followed his comrades and Pepper out of Natasha's apartment. As they headed to the elevator, Tony looked to Pepper and Bruce and asked, “How do you think the two codgers are going to react when they find out about liquid and chewable aspirins?”

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought of this with a kind review, kudos, bookmark or all three even!  
> As you can see, I've decided to make this into a series. Each chapter will deal with a situation involving the team and Steve and Bucky's old man reaction to it.
> 
> Fun fact, Shellenburger's Meth-O-lic Cough Wafer, Dr. Drake's Glesco Cough Remedy, American Chemical Company's Formula AL-14 and Florida's Mentopine Cough Drops were actual medications from the 1920s. Van Stemburg's Cough Elixir, Wolgamott's Syrup and Tidball's Aspironal are made up medications of my own creation.
> 
> And for you followers of Lazarus, I'm afraid it might be a little bit longer for the next chapter to be posted. I've run into some issues that've come about in regards to new information relating to Baron Strucker so I've had to push the all HYDRA chapter back. But don't worry, I'll get the next chapter done as soon as possible.
> 
> Again, all my thanks.


End file.
